Mindless Procrastination...

Since I haven't done an online survey in a while. (Clearly this is something that was missing in my life.)

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
fighting and distance

2. when was the last time you shaved your legs?
this afternoon

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
sleeping

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
talking on the phone with Matt

5. Are you any good at math?
yeah, actually

6. Your prom night?
I've had three... four, actually. Ben, Spencer, Ryan, Matt. Wowsers. Ben's was awkward because I didn't know anyone at his high school. Spencer's was awkward because he ditched me once we got to the dance, although I was saved by the other guys we went with... thank God for Brandon Potter. :-P Ryan's was fun but nothing really spectacular, although my dress was freaking awesome. My senior prom with Matt was pretty fantastic because we went out with the gang and just had a blast. We spent dinner deciding what Greek gods and goddesses we all would have been. We were such dorks. But it was fun.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Patrick Henry. Give me liberty or give me death. Explains a lot about my firey personality. ;-)

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
no...

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
don't have a myspace profile, sorry

10. Last thing received in the mail?
stuff from my Mimi

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
1 (root beer)

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
yep, long ones

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
haha, ummm... either the Backstreet Boys or Ricky Martin, sadly enough.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the shore?
I draw lots of things in the sand when I go to the BEACH

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
root canal (it wouldn't have been so bad, except they discovered mid-procedure that they had to do it on two teeth instead of just one, and I didn't have enough novocaine.)

16. What is out your back door?
a balcony overlooking the trail that goes through this side of North Village

17. Any plans for Friday night?
flying up to Baltimore to spend Fall Break/my birthday/our anniversary with the boy :-)

18. Do you like the ocean?
very much

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn?
yeah... I hate those things

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
yep

21. Something you are excited about?
umm... two weeks in Europe with mabo :-)

22. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
god, I haven't had jello in forever

23. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
no

24. Describe your keychain:
lots of keys, and a whole bunch of little decorative thingys from various family members

25. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
ummm... I guess the last time I introduced the Madrigals to a crowd or something

26. What kind of winter coat do you have?
I have a few... a big black trench, a leather jacket from Florence, and a suede jacket from NY&Co

27. What was the weather like during your high school graduation?
it was a little rainy but it cleared up... there was a rainbow when we left the auditorium afterwards :-)

28. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
closed

Rainy day

I love...

-my rainbow striped galoshes
-puddles
-the way every color seems brighter on a rainy day
-the way the lake looks in the rain
-Furman's turduckens
-the color of the leaves on the tree outside my bedroom window
-watching the raindrops play in the puddles
-coming in from the cold to a warm apartment
-hot chocolate
-(almost) being able to talk like a normal person again
-my little brother
-using the lamps in my room instead of the overhead light

yeah, I know... random. But I was walking back to my room after class, in the rain, and I could have been thinking about how I'd just been splashed by a passing car that drove through a puddle and how my bookbag leaks and my books were getting wet and how I didn't get chosen to go on the Singers tour... And on some level, I guess I was thinking about all of that, but the thought that was running through my head was that it was a beautiful day. Which is weird because it's not, it's cold and wet and gross... but I was noticing things that made it seem more lovely. And that gives me hope. It's silly, maybe, that the fact that I thought a rainy day could be beautiful makes me feel more optimistic about life. But that's how I feel.

And it's good. :-)

wow

So, it's been almost two months since I've written in this thing.

So much for keeping my Maui journal in here... that's okay, though. I have it in my handwritten journal and that's enough. No one else is probably all that interested in it anyway... isn't that the way we always are? Everyone is so sure that her story is inordinately fascinating to the rest of the world. It's not, really. I think it's tv that makes us think like this. I mean, I'm completely addicted to Grey's Anatomy and for all the wrong reasons. I like feeling like I'm in the know in these (fake) people's lives. It's... "cozy" is the wrong word, but it sort of gets what I'm going for. It's a feeling of being totally invested in someone else's life, of truly caring what goes on and how they feel and what they think. It's very intimate. And I have no idea what makes everyone so intent on watching these made-up lives on tv, but whatever it is, it makes you believe that your life is also interesting. If things happen to you that feel important or funny or striking in any kind of way, you automatically assume that other people, especially your friends, must find them equally intriguing. But they don't. At least... not on the same level. Sad that we can find ourselves addicted to shows like The Bachelor (not me, my roomie) yet not find time to observe others' lives with the same care and enthusiasm. Makes me wonder if I would be a better person if I took the hour of Grey's Anatomy every week and devoted it to catching up with friends instead.

Probably.

But I'm not going to... I can't quit my show. :-P Hooray for being a terrible person.

General update = my life is insane. Three classes, none of which I would call easy. An extra class in preparation for the trip to Italy. Furman Singers. Madrigals. FUtones. I was working... yeah, that had to go pretty quickly. I think it would have had to regardless of Furman Singers, which was the only extra thing I added this term... I just needed more time to get things done outside of when I'm actually participating in something... you know? I need time to do WORK for class, not just go to class. Time to PREPARE for the singing groups, not just to be in them. And preferably, some time to be a freaking person. You know, on the side. ::sigh:: Life is un poquito difficult right now.

I'm feeling really lonely. Perhaps that's why I felt the need to write in this thing again. It's not just Matt being gone -- I mean, of course that's a big part of it, but that's not all it is. It's not having a group here. People in Singers are... hard to get to know, and that's putting it kindly. I love, love, LOVE the FUtones, but we're not a cult the way a cappella groups at other schools are. Same with the Madrigals... we're just not close. I only see them at rehearsals. Rooming with Suzanne is awesome, but she's (brace yourself) popular. Everyone loves Suzanne, so we rarely hang out. I just don't have friends, really. I have no one to hang out with. And I really miss having a group of girlfriends that I could rely on the way I did in high school. I don't have that here and it's getting really depressing. It's my own fault, I know. I crippled myself freshman year when I only ever hung out with Matt. Sometimes theatre people, but even then, Matt was almost always there. I was way too obsessive about "us" and I stopped thinking about me. Last year was better because MaBo and I were both so busy that I kind of had to do my own thing sometimes. And I actually made friends... most of whom graduated. Gah. But last year wasn't so much better that I had a foundation to build on this year. I just feel really alone. The thought of two more years this... separated from other people.... it's just hard to think about. Makes me want to quit school, honestly. But that's another story.

And I'm rambling, and I need to write an English paper. And do laundry. And read for Poli Sci. And also for English. Oh, and eat dinner, that would be good.

Sigh.